The New Me

identity Mar 11, 2024

It has been almost 20 years since I went through a divorce. It is hard to believe it has been that long, on the other hand so much has changed! I was a single mom for 7 years and have been very happily married for almost 12 years. Most of all, I am the most me I have ever been. I have learned to be more confident in who God created me to be. In the past I had lost my voice and was looking for my value in a man. I was very much a people pleaser and rarely made my own decisions, even in the simplest things. I have come a long way! What changed, I grew in my relationship with God. I learned to get my value from Him and to believe what His word says about me. This is a process that did not happen overnight. Through counseling, bible studies, and surrounding myself with the right people, I learned that who I am is enough, God did not make a mistake, and I did not have to own the lies that were spoken over me or that I spoke over myself. 

Over the weekend I had a conversation with my daughter n law, that made me realize that there were still some things I was holding onto.

In the last year I have been growing out my pixie cut, as well as my natural color. This is a big transition, mostly mentally. What I have found is that my natural curl has also returned. 

When I got divorced, first I was letting my hair grow because "men don't like short hair." Not long after I got a job working in a salon and spa in Dallas. One of the stylists there cut my hair into a short bob and flat ironed it. It was as if the clouds parted, and I was a new me! I had never flat ironed my hair, but after that I never stopped. I said goodbye to the "old me" and never looked back. That is until last week when I wore my hair curly a couple of days. I am still not sure how I feel about it. Wearing curly hair took me right back, but most people in my life now had never seen it curly before and they were very surprised.

This weekend as I was sharing that story to my daughter n law, she said she felt like that when she straightened her hair, that was her old self. I met her when she wore her hair straight, and she was pretty great, and she is also amazing now. What if we don't have to let go of everything from our past? What if we can hold onto the best parts? 

There were a lot of things about my past marriage and about me that were not good, but I also got to become a mom to 3 amazing boys in that season. I was still a good person with great friends and a career I enjoyed. I have decided to reframe the past and the curly hair. It has occurred to me that this is what freedom looks like. Being able to embrace the best part of all that you are and all that brought you to this place in your life. My hair has just been an outward expression of all that God has been doing on the inside. 

I want to encourage you to look at your life holistically embracing all that you are and all that you are yet to be!


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